Sunday, December 12, 2010

The Funniest Story I have heard about Grandma Margie (today at least)

Today, while shopping in Palm Desert, Grandma Margie came clean about her shopping habits. Or, rather, her one time foray into illicit reading materials.

In 1977 (or there abouts) 'Dawn Shaw', the wife of my uncle Neil, achieved a key milestone in her career - Penthouse Pet of the month for September. For the record, Neil and Dawn are no longer married, but at the time, were as happily married as they would be. It seemed to go downhill from this point - hard to imagine. But, that's a story for another day.

When my very ladylike grandmother found out her daughter-in-law was going to be in a national magazine, and not just any magazine, she couldn't miss it. I actually don't think she believed it, and kind of hoped it wasn't true. At the same time, it was so salacious and over the top, she couldn't let it go without verifying the facts. Somehow she had to get her hands on a September edition of Penthouse magazine.

Margie had never purchased a men's nudie magazine, so she was a bit unsure how to go about doing it without being looked at askance. "Well, back in those days, those magazines were kept under the counter. You couldn't just go pick one up and buy it yourself," she recalls. In addition, Margie just could not bring herself to admit the magazine was for her. So, she came up with a very detailed story - and told the clerk the whole thing. According to her story, she was going to the birthday party for a 50-something man, and needed just the right gift for him. The party was that evening, and she had come to the store to purchase the Penthouse magazine as his gift. As Margie says, "the clerk just looked at me thinking, 'I don't care lady, just give me the damn money for the magazine.'"

She paid for the magazine, turned it sideways so no one could see what she was carrying, and headed back to the car. Once back in the car, Margie stayed in the car in the parking lot - no way was she taking it anywhere she could be seen with it. She sat in her car, alone, riffling through the pages of a men's magazine. As she flipped through the pages, lo and behold - no Dawn. In the time it took for her to overcome her embarassment in purchasing the magazine, they new October edition had come out - and Dawn was last month's news.

Well. Now she REALLY wasn't going to let anyone know what she had done. No way was Margie taking the magazine home where her husband and sons might find out. And she couldn't go anywhere with it where she might be seen with it - LA was a very small town at that time. Someone might tell. So, she did what anyone else with contraband would have done.

She dropped it in the nearest mailbox and drove home.

And she never did see the September 1977 edition of Penthouse magazine.


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